http://webs.lanset.com/akajones/

This is the way we would sing these well-known hymns–if we’re honest.

· I Surrender Some

· There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings

· Fill My Spoon, Lord

· Oh, How I Like Jesus

· He’s Quite a Bit to Me

· I Love to Talk About Telling the Story

· Take My Life and Let Me Be

· It is My Secret What God Can Do

· There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today

· Onward, Christian Reserves

· Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following

· Just As I Pretend to Be

· When the Saints Go Sneaking In

posted by Grant on 03.06.07 @ 1:20 pm

@http://graceland.gentle.org/bag/archive/honest-hymns/

Bag- O –Laughs

Church Bloopers 1

1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.
5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
8) Ushers will eat latecomers.
9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

http://jokes.christiansunite.com/

Church Bloopers 2

1. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

3. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basementFriday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

4. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

5. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David,
the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.

6. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

7. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

8. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis
to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

9. The service will close with Little Drops of Water.
One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

10. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition
of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

11. The senior choir invites any member of the
congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

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